once a tortoise and a hare had a race. the tortoise was really slow but the hare kept stopping and making detours and generally didnt take the race very seriously. eventually the hare realized the tortoise was getting real close to the finish line. he ran all the way there but the tortoise got to it just ahead of him! "you win!" said the race announcer to the tortoise! the hare just stood there in shock pulling at his ears in a comical manner. the tortoise meanwhile couldnt quite believe what was happening either. his mental gears whizzed and whirred sending off sparks of thought energy. one of his mental sprockets went flying out of his head propelled by the force of his awesome mechanical brain. it flew through the air over the trees over the forest way into the stratosphere still spinning and crackling. it flew over the lake of creeky unders where the ducks were a-quacking and the reeds were a-whistling. on the opposite bank it struck a wandering woodchuck in the spine. "fuck!" yelled the woodchuck in woodchuckese! no one heard him. eventually the tortoise became aware that everyone was waiting for him to say something. he was so flabberghasted that he couldnt really process the situation. "i... win?" said the tortoise unbelievingly. "yep!" said the race announcer who was an owl. he handed the tortoise a huge trophy made of solid gold. everyone had a big party and there was a lot of cake and balloons and stuff. the hare sat quietly in the corner scowling at everyone.